How do you define happiness?! If you notice, it Isn’t one whole day or even one complete hour of happiness. it’s just that very moment and instance where your Insides feel a surge of excitement for any reason. It may last longer but it’s only that one instance that I personally define happiness as. That is enough of a reason to value and treasure the people things or moments that may help you live through these brief instances. Happiness is also when you forget about everything else. especially something that’s stuck in your heart like an arrow. I am not a big fan of kids tbh. no one would believe that. They are actually truly ..nvm..I am actually very impatient. but out of general courtesy I don’t mind spending time with them also because I believe this is my happiness. That’s my general opinion on kids. but then I have my favorites. These are my first cousins. I’d do anything for them just out of love no matter what age they reach. Maybe because I’ve picked them up as newborns and now seeing them all grown up just melts my heart. I still don’t like any other kids though. esp if they’re ever mine. haha xD and by liking I mean, I won’t spend my time on them.




You told her red means love,

so when she bled at the oppression,

she thought its love

you told her blue is the water,

so when she cried a million tears,

she felt her thirst quench

you told her yellow is the falling of leaves,
so she wore yellow forgetting about the spring
you told her, black is for the mourning
so she wore black for the rest of her life
you told her white brings bad luck to the alive
so she stopped wearing white often

you forgot to tell her though
that colors, all of them, define only what you see
that without red, blue and yellow
black can never be
the light within her
is greater than the magic of light
which makes you see
the colors your mind defined and then you let it be
blessed to see the colors around
Aren’t we blessed further?

Beyond our eyes, is our mind

So don’t you ever wilfully fall for perjure!

It takes negative to build a positive.

I’ve known disappointment creep into the deepest corners of my soul. I’ve known the beauty of one single ray of hope making its way inside of me through the smallest hole of faith. I have known to fall and fall hard on the ground and I never learnt getting up until I realized why I was on the ground.. It takes courage to battle something external but it’s downright dauntless to fight something that has made its home within you. It takes pain, a lot of pain, to heal you once and for ever. It takes betrayal to teach you loyalty. It takes darkness to realize the beauty of darkness only. It takes rejection from friends, close friends, soul sisters,soul mates to make you realize your priorities, and their’s too. It takes depression to learn how to respect someone else’s. It takes sleeping pills to remain sane. It takes the hate for rainfalls to learn the gratitude for a sunny day. It takes living a nightmare to stop fearing the characters in it. But most importantly, it takes willing distance, half hearted prayers, deep ignorance, arrogance and all of the above, to finally, eagerly, beg and crave for Him, His love, His help and His attention. It takes negative to build a positive. It takes negative to build a positive. It takes negative to build a positive.

The “it’s time to get up” phase

In any and every failure of any kind, you’ll go through three main phases.

The first, of course would go something like “I FAILED”, “I SUCK” , “MY LIFE IS OVER”, “I DON’T DESERVE HAPPINESS”, “LEAVE ME ALONE” and etc. This phase is called the “hit you right in the face” phase. Yep, i made that up. Of course it’s still true, come onn! Here you’ll bash yourself for every possible mistake you’ve done in life but the one in question. Not to forget you’ll deliberately think about everyone who did something ugly to you to subconsciously bag up some sympathy for your own self. Should i mention how much you’ll cry? no? okay. (but you will)

Moving on to the next phase. This I call the “bitter sweet phase”. Now that you’ve finally made peace with what has happened, you’ll feel a strong urge to go for it again, or for something new and prove to yourself(actually, to the world) that you can do it! Here you’ll suddenly transform into a problem solver. Or at least you’ll feel like one and do all you can to clean the mess. As much as you think the stimulus to make it work reached the threshold potential, you will still at times feel like you need a bucket full of shit to dig yourself into. In short, you’ll be delusional and hardworking but unmotivated and self abasing..all at the same time.

The third and the final phase is the “it’s time to get up” phase. This is literally the opposite of the first one. Where in the first one you thought about whatever wrong has been done to you, here you’ll think of whatever wrong you’ve done to others. Where you thought you suck and you are useless, now you’ll think you can do it because you’re awesome(also because such thoughts are the need of the hour now) and where you cried, now you’ll find yourself paying no heed whatsoever to any of your emotions.
This is my personal favorite phase. The train of realization runs through all these phases, but this is where it loads off most of its loot. You’ll be a far better person by this stage and realize your true potentials at this stage.

Failures are a blessing. And a greater blessing if they happened to you before you reached the practical world. ( I didn’t make that one up, i swear)
There are many other factors. Don’t be too curious to know and stage yourself up for a failure. Let it find its way to you 😉 we will all go through failures, losses and disappointments many a times in life, I can guarantee that. And we all have the ingredients to cater for the wreckage it causes., I also guarantee that.

-Fi Aman Allah

Who’s she

ignorant, carefree she stood there laughing
blessed is the ignorant, ignorance is a bliss
friends, family, jokes and memories as buoy
nothing came in between, her and her joy
smoothly she moved
through every challenge in life
injured many a times, she fell down never
she stood up each time smiling brighter than ever
surrounded by intimates, their shadows and promises
what is life, without communication she thought
bonded a few to her heart so strong
friendships like these can never go wrong
it takes more than prayers, it takes lots of words
when words seem short, its the actions that play
the circle often grows, the heart’s big enough to hold
but the rule only applies to hearts made of gold
amidst every chores, those bonds she had made
faded away in ignorance, little did she notice
arrogant in trust, as she moved further
the sound of the wreckage, made her shudder
what happened, where did, why must?
she was being taught the greatest lesson in life
in only little a time, who’s a friend, who’s a foe
she learns the ultimate lesson, of letting close ones go
quickly hid the tears, no one knew she’s hurt
to act like it doesn’t matter, to show she doesn’t care
feelings kept aside, always come to greet
feelings are meant to be felt, there’s no escape cheat
with hurtful words or two, of friends now foe
she smile the same still, she laughs a little louder
connect the dots back, she wishes she could do
once she figures out, what’s false and what’s true
for bonds that link the hearts. they never break so easy
friendships she still wants, she’s just a little choosy
the ups and downs acknowledged, she craves a little more
many a windows to escape, but she needs only a door
which leads to a place where puzzles make a picture
of a vivid, laughing moment from the past venture
tries to elude from these complicated knots
where hurtful words, connect the dots.

-if only delusions didn’t delude us